Feelings of guilt. Guilt complex.

Helen grew up in a family where the relationship between her parents left much to be desired. The father was strict and taugh; He was rarely at home, and always engaged in his business. He had a cold attitude towards his daughter, Helen and as well as to his wife. The mother was always criticizing and reproaching Helen. If the girl did something wrong, there was a loud reprimand with blame and shame as the focus.,

The father never showed attention or affection to Helen. The girl grew up in the atmosphere of indifference and constant rows. As a result, Helen did not think she was worthy of Love because the people who were suppose to love her and never accepted her or showed their affection towards her.

When she was 14, she kept to a diet and lost 15 pounds; she hardly ate anything and monitored her weight scrupulously because she only could accept herself if she complied with fashion model standards. Her mother was at a loss because Helen stopped eating healthy food, developed a stomach disease but refused to be examined by a doctor or to admit that she does really strange things. Her mother felt it was not just a diet but there was something else to follow. Soon Helen developed a complex concerning her appearance. Thinking about her looks being far perfect led her to serious depression.

All of Helen’s energy was spent on meaningless worries, let alone life goals. As a result, Helen applied to medics for therapy and psychological help. Her actions were based on wrong mindsets planted into her subconsciousness in her childhood, she developed an idea that she could be accepted and loved only with fashion model appearance. She began experimenting with diets and did all kinds of possible and impossible things to comply with globally accepted standards. Then her complex known as feelings of guilt or self-rejection went off. Helen required a long course of therapy to accept herself the way she is and believe that she deserves love even if her appearance is far from perfect.

In the first place, she needed to understand that she’s not her appearance or her body. She’s the characteristics, values, and beliefs that are inherent only to her. In the field of Emotional Intelligence, she lacked some keys: knowing her emotions, managing her emotions and motivating herself to achieve her goals. After realizing all these, Helen understood that she is just not only a beautiful body but a unique Personality.

In the second place, she had to reveal herself to the destination and the goal of life. After Helen accepted herself, she found the answer to the question of her destination.

The complex known as feelings of guilt does not let us accept ourselves the way we are created. We do not see our uniqueness. Without accepting it, we try to meet requirements of society and do everything to be accepted.

Helen worked on herself, her thinking and self esteem. This work helped her to conquer the negative complex. She changed her attitude to herself and her appearance. She graduated from a university, had a job she likes, she got married and went to live in another city. She ended up in a Happy marriage, engaged in self-actualization and in full Faith and optimism.

In the book of ‘SOS’ Help for emotions, Lynn Clark is telling us that we all want to be happy and achieve our goals. However, anxiety, anger, depression and other unpleasant emotions cause distress interfering with our contentment, health, relationships, and other life goals .

Unpleasant and out-of -control emotions not only reduce our pleasure in day to day living , but block us from attaining our goals. Our emotional intelligence likely contribute more to successful and enjoyable living , than just our general intelligence. Since Emotional Intelligence is learned rather than inherited, it can be improved.

Sometimes we experience this kind of story in real life whilst sometimes we see them in movies. All that we need to know is how to help or manage our emotions before they manage us. It is natural that we as human beings we develop different emotions at different situations in life. But how do we get through with them? Should we let our emotions manage us because we want to appear perfect or tolerant?

Lynn Clark mentions the Four core of emotions. Anxiety, Anger, Depression and Contentment. How we manage these emotions and stay healthy, in a good relationship, is in our hands. It is just us to do it.

You can’t manage your life until you manage your emotions.

Published by Miss Angey

This is a Kenyan lady currently studying in Uganda.

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